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Time flies. I wanted to make the most of my time bonding with my daughter. I feel it’s essential to create a meaningful relationship with her early on before she becomes a full-grown teenager. I do not want to find any reason or take the busyness of life to get in the way of knowing my daughter inside and out. Knowing what motivates and inspires her and be able to support her is the most fulfilling part of becoming a mom.
Just like any other relationship building, things here are intentional and require a little bit of planning and effort. It comes naturally though as you do it together consistently.
Here are a few things you can start doing to form a good bonding relationship with your daughter:
1. Support And Encourage Her Interests
I notice my daughter feels happier and confident to share more when I show interest in what she’s doing. And so, I try to support and encourage her this way.
Both my daughter and I like arts and crafts. Ever since she was a little younger, we do arts and crafts together. We would paint the wine bottles and make them decorative art pieces. We would colour and draw together. We would buy lots of glue and food colouring and make different types of slime.
Now that she’s a tween, her interests change a little bit. She likes to play online games like Minecraft, create animation, and projects in Scratch and Canva. Also, one thing we love doing together is painting.
You don’t have to do things together every single day unless you have some flexibility around your schedule. You can spend at least an hour or two doing things together such as arts or sports or just plain watching movies. The key here is to do it consistently every week and not do it only when it feels convenient to you.
2. Take the Time to Talk and Listen to Her Thoughts & Feelings
Remember those days when she was just a toddler, she would request for you to read stories for her over and over again? Well, now that she is a tween, she still wants those moments with you but in a way that’s quite mature.
For us, we do this right after praying together as a family. I would linger a little bit more to talk to my daughter and ask a few things like, “How did you find your day today? What made you say those things earlier? Or I would ask her, “Are you happy today?”.
Listening builds trust. I am learning each day as well. But one thing I know is that when I talk to my daughter in that quiet moment, the more I understand her feelings and thoughts. I believe tweens have lingering questions they may be shy to ask or talk about (such as changes in their body, opinions, and feelings). As tween moms, we can lead them positively and open up the conversation if we feel it’s the right time to do so.
3. Journal together and Keep good Memories
Another good bonding with my daughter I find fulfilling and fun is journaling together. On her birthday, I gifted her a book, “Just Us Girls”. In the book, there are questions and prompts for the mom and for the daughter to answer, share thoughts, and feelings. So far, this is the little secret we keep together. My husband is not allowed to peek into this book, and my daughter finds it comforting to know.
We agreed we would journal together every Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday. Those are the days where she could ask me a few things about what I wrote and vice versa. The journal prompts provide some reflections of how she sees life and situations and the same goes for me as her mom.
After writing in the journal, we look at each other’s answers and talk about them. It has been so far one of our favourite little bonding together as mother and daughter.
Example of a journal prompt in the book for mom and daughter,
“Tell me about a time when you put in extra effort and your hard work paid off. How did you feel?”.
“When you do this, it reminds me of myself because…”
Conclusion
Building a strong connection with your tween daughter is much like any other relationship-building. It requires time, commitment, and consistency. It requires meaningful conversation and a deeper understanding of each other and you can build this by:
- Supporting and encouraging her interests
- Taking the time to talk and listen to her thoughts and feelings
- Journaling together and keeping good memories
I hope those three ways I shared help you better connect with your tween daughter. Let me know in the comments or email me with your stories on how you’re able to build a stronger connection with your tween. I would love to learn more.
Resources
Create a strong bond with your daughter with this journal.
Easy prompts allow them to share favorites, wishes, pet peeves, much more.
Compare family memories, plan the perfect trip, dream about the future, tell each other a story, plan time together, and record what you did!
End up with a shared chapter in the story of your lives to enjoy again and again!
Start or reinforce a lifelong journaling habit.
Journal is written by a mother-daughter team.
For daughters ages 9 and up, with their moms.
Mothers and daughters: write together, share together, grow together.
It only takes a few words for you and your daughter to connect in a meaningful way. Just Us Girls is a mom journal meant to be shared with your daughter, helping the two of you build a stronger bond through better communication and deeper understanding.
Go far with a year’s worth of journaling prompts that will help each of you relate your thoughts and feelings in a safe, secure space―just for the two of you. This mom journal will form the foundation for a wonderful relationship that will last a lifetime.